Maybe its the environment you are in when in prison or maybe its human nature, but I just can’t seem to get it out of my head today. I’m not so much shocked of how it is, I do not think it is strange to find negative people bring out the negativity in others. What I find shocking is that even after I identified this cycle of negativity around me, it still manages to affect me. When in prison, there are negative people almost everywhere, there is not way around it. You are constantly subjected to the negative talk and people. It is not the ideal environment to be in when recovering from drugs and alcohol, or just trying to fix your life. I recognize that prison is not the easiest environment to stay positive in, but prison is easier when you are positive.
Self improvement is not the biggest focus in a prison. Its filled with a significant amount of people complaining about their circumstances, blaming others for putting them where they are today. Most people put focus into mollifying their actions instead of owning them.
I am not innocent in this, I have lived most of my life being pessimistic, and I never failed to express my pessimistic beliefs to others. When I am around these people I go right back to my negative frame of mind. I don’t want to say everyone does the same, I try to stay away from such absolute statements, but I can say a significant amount of people hop on the negativity train and ride along with others. It’s very cyclical.
I have no room for judgement, I am merely being observational. I was just as pessimistic a few years ago. I saw no future in which had anything positive in comparison to the present. I suppose I still have some negative views I hold as truths. I think its difficult to be 100 percent positive all the time, if not impossible. I still see the world as it is. It is suffering. Everyone spending day after day in a world of misery trying to be happy. Yes, in itself that it a negative statement, but its the things we find in our lives that outweigh this misery which makes us positive people.
What changed in my is my outlook on my life as a whole. I found what makes me happy, what makes a difficult life worth living. I found my best friend, the perfect companion, I just happened to get lucky enough that when I asked her to spend the rest of her life with me, she said yes. Ever since that day life has not seemed nearly long enough. She makes me want to be positive, to live better, and to be better.
This is my focus for my time in, to remember the positive in my life, spread my positive though to others, and surround myself with people who wish to do the same. I find that it is the best way to stay happy, and in the end, isn’t that what matters most?